laugh yer ass off here....

[Më£ïñÐa]

ATTITUDE
I woke early one morning, The earth lay cool and still When suddenly a tiny bird Perched on my window sill, He sang a song so lovely So carefree and so gay, That slowly all my troubles Began to slip away. He sang of far off places Of laughter and of fun, It seemed his very trilling, Brought up the morning sun. I stirred beneath the covers Crept slowly out of bed, Then gently lowered the window And crushed his fucking head. I'm not a morning person...

Author Unknown

[Myra]

SPike tis cause you got soooooo many good jokes ...... why not have your own joke thread... and wehn i read your jokes i coulndt stop laughing.... i couldnt post.... i like the sarcastic one *L* *HUG* no worries.... they get read

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Everyone thinks i am insane.... all but my friends deep inside the earth......

[Spike23]

well, thank you all very much for reading them

(don't worry, Mel--no apologies needed!) i was just thinking that no one cared about my jokes or anything--i'm glad you all do!

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?Spike?

Spike's Webpage

[email protected]

[Myra]

Two elderly ladies were out driving in a large car. Both
could barely see over the dashboard. As they were
cruising along they came to an intersection.

The stop light was red, but they just went on through. The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be
loosing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red
light."

After a few more minutes they came to another inter-section
and the light was red again, and again they went right
through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was
almost sure that the light had been red, but was really
concerned that she was loosing it. She was getting nervous
and decided to pay very close attention to the road and
the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was
definitely red, and they went right through. She turned to
the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just
ran through three red lights in a row? You could have had
us killed!"

Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh hell, am I driving...?"

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Everyone thinks i am insane.... all but my friends deep inside the earth......

[Sniffer]

knock knock

who's there?

chesterfield

chesterfield who?

chesterfield my leg so i punched him!

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Sniff.... Sniff.... Do I Smell a sense of humor??

[Sniffer]

one day Tom, an office manager, was told he had to lay off one of his 2 employees, Jack or Jill. since both were really great workers he didn't know how to decide which one would go. finally he decided that if one was late that would be the one to go. but the next morning both employees were early. so he then decided that whichever one took the longest lunch break would be the one laid off. well it so happened that both employees ate lunch at their desks that day and worked right through the break. then he decided that whichever one left to go home early would be the one to go. just his luck, both of them stayed late. finally Jill got up and put on her coat. Tom walked over to her and said nervously "Jill I have a big problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off."
Jill sighed and said "well Tom you had better jack off because I'm late for my bus."

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Sniff.... Sniff.... Do I Smell a sense of humor??

[Më£ïñÐa]

*tears of laughter
oooh!gawd!
*i cant quit!!

[Myra]

i love this *G*

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Everyone thinks i am insane.... all but my friends deep inside the earth......

[Moby]

A new employee is hired at the tickle me elmo factory. The personnel manager explains her duites, and tells her to report to work promptly at 8.00am.

The next day at 8.45am, there's a knock at the personnel manager's door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about this new employee. He says she's incredibly slow, and the whole line is backing up. The takes the personnel manager down to the factory floor to show him the problem.

Sure enough, Elmos are backed up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles.They both watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles, and starts sewing the little package between Elmo's legs.

The personnel manager starts laughing hysterically. After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to the woman, and says " I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Moby

[Sniffer]

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Sniff.... Sniff.... Do I Smell a sense of humor??